love love looove

So, I've realized that I'm a lot more pessimistic than I thought I was. About people. 

And I don't mean that I constantly expect the worst or have really low expectations, but it's almost natural for me to assume that most people have underlying motivations that aren't really that great. Even when people do something considerate, I have a hard time believing in good intentions, whether or not people genuinely mean well.

But I have a story.

Recently, some of my friends have been getting their clothes stolen from the laundry room. The thing is, we're the only ones that live on the island. We don't have a dryer- just racks (very big racks), so we all have to hang our clothes out to dry. I usually just borrow a rack and take it to my room, but on one specific "laundry day," I had no time to take everything to my room. I was already late to class (I had a presentation!) but still had 3 weeks worth of clothes in two dryers. I was panicking and grabbing my clothes and literally throwing everything into a big pile on top of a drying rack so I could get to class on time. There was no way I could pack everything up and take it to my room and make it to class reasonably late, so I decided to leave my stuff in there.

There was another girl in the laundry room, Mimi, who was hanging her own clothes neatly, and she was watching me. Mimi is pretty quiet. I never really see her and we don't have any classes together, but I've spoken to her a few times. As I was hurrying, I was telling her how I was going to be late to class and I had a presentation and had to leave my clothes in a big heap and that it would all be wrinkled and I was going on a trip the next day and it wasn't going to dry on time... blah blah. Basically, just complaining. 

And to be completely honest, I was slightly hesitant to leave all of my clothes with her when I thought about the situation. I didn't really know her, and clothes was going missing every week. I judged her on what I thought I knew-- that I considered her as kind of a "bad girl" based on what some of the other Japanese students that go to school with her had said, and just from my initial impression.

Either way, I had two options: getting to class 15 minutes late when I had a presentation at the beginning of class OR losing a pair of jeans. So as soon as I emptied the dryer, I ran out of there and straight to class.

As soon as I got out of class I went directly to the laundry room. I walked in and my stomach dropped! My ENTIRE pile of clothes was missing-- 3 pairs of jeans, a few sweaters, over 10 t-shirts, a dress, and blouses. The two racks were still there, and I literally just stood, staring at the space where my mountain of clothes was supposed to be.

I was almost about to start crying (I'm so pathetic) when my mind registered one of my red sweaters, and I realized that right in front of my face, ALL of my clothes was hanging neatly and perfectly on two drying racks. My mom wouldn't have sorted that pile out. I couldn't believe it. There wasn't even a note, or anything that would have let me know who was responsible. They just did it, and didn't expect anything-- not even recognition.

Anyways, as insignificant as that probably sounds, I thought that was awesome. But at the same time, I was like eeehh I suck. Not only am I so stinkin judgmental, but I was totally owned (in a good way). Yeah, I do nice things, but I don't really. I can't remember the last time I sacrificed an amount of time or energy/sleep for someone or something that actually set me back and really affected me. (And I say those two things because those are both high on my priority list). But isn't that what a sacrifice is supposed to be? It's not supposed to be convenient, or on your way to the grocery store, or fit perfectly into your schedule, or wrapped in saran wrap because it's your leftovers.

It's supposed to look a little bit more like staying up late to be with or pray for a friend that needed it, and actually worrying about finishing something the next day and having to trust that God's got it. And maybe going hungry for a day because you gave your 3 meals to someone that really needed it, not the part you didn't want/ were too full to eat.

I always draw the line at the point where I could be really uncomfortable, or where its a terrible inconvenience. I mean, I'll take some inconvenience. But it's never really hard for me. Sacrifice. I mean the word immediately makes me think of a couple of stories in the Old Test and um one huge one in the New. I don't know what a sacrifice is.

And I can't believe I have only just started to realize this and that it came out of a pile of wet clothes.

Now I'm going to stop procrastinating and get to my paper! Sorry this is so stream of consh. Slash rand. Ciao!