haha i'm posting way too much, but i'll try to keep this short (jk, that's impossible for me).
Basically what gets me every time is how God answers prayers when we pray according to His will, and how most of the questions about why we're where we are get cleared up. So Greg has played a big role in showing me the importance of mission. One thing he told me last year is that we should pray for opportunities (missional or just for sharing our beliefs) no matter how scared we are or how inadequate we feel (I think we were talking about proxe stations and bronx.. which i ended up chickening out about). So this is a prayer I've been praying for a while for specific people in my life. So God is pretty much 110% on answering this prayer, yet I'm always amazed and surprised when opportunities spring up not just for people i pray for but even more.. it's just up to me to take the opportunity when He gives them to me. God has taught me last semester through Perry the joys of being able to share your faith with someone. And that the opportunities He gives us are not just a tease. They're not like a test for me, not something to make me feel good about myself or my faith. Though being able to see your fruit does make you feel good/productive, God gives these opportunities cause He wants these people for himself. It's not about me; He has a plan for these people and He just wants to use me for the purpose of being able to use these other people later. And honestly, I'm way more than OK with that.
So this friday our RAs arranged a bowling trip for us. That was fun. On our way back, I ended up in a conversation with someone who was really disappointed and critical about the drinking culture at Marine lab (and at duke) and how this person just wanted, in essence, genuine relationships. The person, while saying they dont like talking about religion, basically said to me, "I think it's really cool that you're in IV" and how they really like the kind of people who are in IV. It just lit up my heart finally hearing that someone thought of IV as a genuine group after years of hearing it being called a cult, or the ASA for Christians. I really feel like God wants me to pursue this person. This is the extra 10% in the 110% that God answers.
the 100% prayer-answered part comes with how God answers my "opportunities prayer" about my roommate (From the other post, he said he lost his faith). So I checked out a "First Union Methodist Church" today. Honestly, I chose it cause it was close by. I know nothing about methodist, or any denominations for that matter (growing up going to CHBC which is nondenominational). But it was very different than what i'm used to. I was the only one in church not dressed up... or under 50 years old it seemed like. I left church thinking about how different it was. We sang hymns and stuff which honestly felt uninspirational after like jamming by myself in the car with "contemporary praise songs" on my ipod (i know, it's bad.. worship is not about catchy songs). But yeah, i got back in my room and my roommate was like "oh did you come back from service?" "yeah, it felt different" "oh, next time can you wake me up and take me with you?". BAM, prayer answered. It turns out this type of church is really similar to the kind of church he grew up going to. Again, it's not about me. I know that God will give me more opportunities because of this. He already opened a huge door for conversations.
I think I'm at a point now where there's no doubt in my mind that God is at work. The fears i used to feel, or the inadequacies i used to feel, well they're not gone, but they're at peace. Like i said before, these opportunities aren't a tease. God wouldn't put them in my life if He did not want them for himself. There's no way God will let me "mess this up". I was telling Perry today, God has huge plans for him. God's the one with the real influence on him, all i can do is encourage him. In the same way, while i look back at these events and say "well, that person still isn't christian, or my roommate hasn't yet addressed why he lost faith", I can say with confidence that as long as I pray for God's will, and do my part, God will continue to call them to Him no matter what I do or how much I mess up or how many opportunities I miss. There will be more.
When Moses was trying to convince the Pharoah to let the Israelites go, God basically said "I will harden his heart so that he will not listen". I always wondered why God didn't just say "Don't worry, he'll listen to your every word and your people will be free soon enough". I realize now that it is to show that only God can change a person's heart no matter how many signs or plagues are thrown at them or delivered by other people. Only God can soften one's heart and draw them to Him. All we can do as followers is believe and continue to follow his plan. Eventually God will get who he wants. We can't mess up God's plan even if we tried. To me, this lifts a huge burden from me. These opportunities are scary, but God is the one with a hold on their hearts, and that is comforting. It's OK if you see yourself as inadequate. Truth is, you ARE! Good thing God has the power to do what we can't. Luckily too he wants to use us to accomplish his plans and take part. Moreover, he gives us great joy afterwards :)
