So a lot of stuff happened this weekend. Me, Christina, and Isaac (a fellow marine-labber) drove back to duke. i saw a big pig on the side of the highway :) but when i pointed it out excitedly, i realized that i just woke everyone up..
We made it in time for large group though! ..and even part of family dinner! eating at mcdonalds again was bittersweet in the nostalgic/i-just-lost-another-year-of-my-life sort of way. Large group was great though! Mark Acuff spoke. I'm excited for him. Even though he just left CHBC, i'm so inspired by his passion to pursue those in need and his dedication in coming to duke one last time. So in keeping with our theme, he talked about genuine relationships and how our fear of failure can get in the way. Two things really stuck out to me. He used the original sin story showing how Adam's first reaction to God was to blame Eve and God and to not admit the possibility that he could've done wrong on his own. This was a sort of goose-bumps moment for me cause Alex Kirk had also talked about this passage when he talked about forgiveness of self (check it out on itunesU.. really good talk!). But Alex really highlighted God's first sort of question where he was like "Where are you?" The few hours before lg that week was one of the times i really felt God calling me, but that's another story.. so that's the goosebumps. But yeah, I think that it's true even today the extent of how we blame others for our own failures and how that really creates barriers between us.
The second thing that really stuck out to me was Mark's story about one of his sons who blogged on "stuffchristianslike" about a part of his life that he "failed" and how when Mark read it he felt just horrible that he didnt even know about it. He realized though that he was taking his son's failures and translating it to his own failures though. But when he really made it about his son and not him, he could truly feel for his son, and love his son. And in the same way (a father's love) God looks at all our failures with that kind of love and compassion. I feel like a "father's love" is a very appropriate analogy. Though i'm not a dad, i feel like it resonates with me cause my little brother is 9 years younger than me. I would say he has had the biggest effect on me in my life (other than God). I think a byproduct of that is that i feel like i grew a sense of parenting as a kid and i definitely show love differently to him than my older brother who i grew up with. This also really resonated with me because of the small group talks at retreat i mentioned in the other post. I think that when we realize each others failures with a foundation of love, it should grow us closer. Barriers are broken as a result and we can show true compassion.
So i'm also really really happy i got to go to CHBC again!! Dave Ward spoke about not picking favorites. I love the way CHBC does things sometimes. So Nat Stine (worship leader) usually wears like really casual clothes, but that day he was really dressed up and like everyone noticed. Then the guy playing piano was wearing torn painting clothes. Some in the choir dressed very nicely. Byron (orchestra conductor) even wore a tux, while others wore t-shirts and stuff. Basically they were making a point about the extent of which we pay attention to appearance and how we can often show favoritism that way. Dave shared a time when he was at a different church and the pastor was talking to him about a couple he just met and said "You can tell by looking at them that they're a quality couple" and that got him thinking cause Jesus preached how God only looks at a person's heart, and you can tell nothing from appearance. Anyways, Dave also talked about a time he was at a UNC game and he was standing a cheering and a guy behind him kept telling him to sit down and he eventually got mad and yelled at him. Then his wife asked him "What would you do if you saw that guy in church on sunday?" Dave talked about viewing the world through "Christ-colored glasses" not seeing socioeconomic status, age, gender, race, etc. Instead seeing children of God equally redeemed. I thought his last line was incredibly thoughtful. He said "One day we can see the world through Christ-colored EYES, but until then let's use our Christ-colored glasses". It really puts things in perspective i think when you look at everyone as someone who Christ died for. No matter how mad at them or caught up in the moment you are.
So yah, this weekend really recharged me in reminding me how many opportunities for enlightment Christian communities offer. Something i still feel like the marine lab lacks. I'm trying to keep my personal discipline going by reading through the gospel of John, but it's difficult. Sometimes i feel tired, sometimes i read just to get through a chapter, sometimes i read as if i've read it one too many times and wont gain anything from it. I'm really encouraged by your post, sabrina. I think i need to really start paying attention to what God wants to tell me. I need to learn to listen on my own, not always relying on a pastor. It really is a blessing for us to even be able to hear from God, I don't doubt that now.
In other news, Block A at the marine lab is ending the friday after next. Which means we'll be taking marine animal physiology next and hopefully have a lighter schedule. Things with the roomie have kinda slowed down. I kinda introduced him to internet tv... so it's pretty quiet in the room now with us watching our stories. hopefully i can man-up and start talking to him about God.. anyways, i will be keeping you all in my prayers :)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
LG
Hey guys,
Just wanted to let you know I just got the large group recording up. Sorry, it's usually up before . You can listen to the message and interview at https://deimos.apple.com/WebObjects/Core.woa/BrowsePrivately/new.duke.edu.1678278435.01678278440.1890298196?i=1917964066
You can also listen to the worship at http://www.duke.edu/~baw12/iv/worshiprecordings/090123/ . Please don't distribute
Hope you're all well,
ben
Just wanted to let you know I just got the large group recording up. Sorry, it's usually up before . You can listen to the message and interview at https://deimos.apple.com/WebObjects/Core.woa/BrowsePrivately/new.duke.edu.1678278435.01678278440.1890298196?i=1917964066
You can also listen to the worship at http://www.duke.edu/~baw12/iv/worshiprecordings/090123/ . Please don't distribute
Hope you're all well,
ben
Saturday, January 24, 2009
a bit of light
I was trying to figure out why I couldn't post. And then I realized... I wasn't logged on. There's a phrase in German that's close to epic fail: totaler Fehlschlag. Not exactly perfect for this ocassion, but it was something I was reminded of. :)
I'm glad you two Marine-labbers were able to go to your class retreat! It sounded awesome. I'm definitely missing IV folks.
Thanks for posting too Jason. God is amazing. Reading through what you learned helped encourage me as well as teach me.
I've been struggling to hear what God wants to speak to me through my devotions. I just recently realized it's been hard because I haven't actually been listening. I didn't figure this out till I was doing my devotions this morning at 100% awakeness (what's the real word for this?), and finally realized that God's been trying to point out my dumb pride to me.
On Thursday, we were with Irina, who's one of the teachers of our morning class, and she asked us to talk about our excursion to Wolfsburg, where the VW production facility is located. After each person shared, she would comment on their oral skills. The others got great comments. When it was my turn, however, she said I didn't speak loud enough, was too slow, and had no rhythm. Inside, I immediately flared up, although I knew in my head that she was just giving me these comments to help me improve. I couldn't explain to myself why I was so perverse that even when she gave me a chance to improve and told me to repeat my last sentence, I barely increased my volume and made no other changes to my mumbling. I think what made her comments harder to bear that day was because I had just been complimented on my improved German that very morning before class by a fellow classmate. I became prideful to the extreme.
When I read my devotions today, it was no different in theme from the previous chapters, but I finally saw that, yes, I do have something in common with all these groups of people that God was condemning in the book of Isaiah. These people all had one thing in common: they all took pride in themselves for what they were able to produce seemingly without any external help.
I thank God that He persisted in trying to get through to me. It's humbling and encouraging at the same time because He renewed in me the hope that He will keep communication lines open between Him and me. God is good.
On another note, I'm asking for help in finding good resources on Mormonism compared to Christianity. One of the other 3 Dukies taking these January classes with me is a Mormon, and after I declined her offer to go with her to a Mormon church, I became aware of my limited knowledge of the Bible. I do not know for example, what in the Bible would preclude the existence of more prophets like Joseph, the founder of the Mormon church. So, help with that would be appreciated.
It's been going okay with classes and all on the whole. There's probably room for feeling healthier/not sick, but that's the kind of state I'm in most of the time anyway, so not a big deal. I'm still find myself fortunate to have what I have here (e.g. nice host family, nice resident director). I'll be praying for you and your roomate Jason. It looks like a great opportunity, and I'm glad you're up for it.
I'm glad you two Marine-labbers were able to go to your class retreat! It sounded awesome. I'm definitely missing IV folks.
Thanks for posting too Jason. God is amazing. Reading through what you learned helped encourage me as well as teach me.
I've been struggling to hear what God wants to speak to me through my devotions. I just recently realized it's been hard because I haven't actually been listening. I didn't figure this out till I was doing my devotions this morning at 100% awakeness (what's the real word for this?), and finally realized that God's been trying to point out my dumb pride to me.
On Thursday, we were with Irina, who's one of the teachers of our morning class, and she asked us to talk about our excursion to Wolfsburg, where the VW production facility is located. After each person shared, she would comment on their oral skills. The others got great comments. When it was my turn, however, she said I didn't speak loud enough, was too slow, and had no rhythm. Inside, I immediately flared up, although I knew in my head that she was just giving me these comments to help me improve. I couldn't explain to myself why I was so perverse that even when she gave me a chance to improve and told me to repeat my last sentence, I barely increased my volume and made no other changes to my mumbling. I think what made her comments harder to bear that day was because I had just been complimented on my improved German that very morning before class by a fellow classmate. I became prideful to the extreme.
When I read my devotions today, it was no different in theme from the previous chapters, but I finally saw that, yes, I do have something in common with all these groups of people that God was condemning in the book of Isaiah. These people all had one thing in common: they all took pride in themselves for what they were able to produce seemingly without any external help.
I thank God that He persisted in trying to get through to me. It's humbling and encouraging at the same time because He renewed in me the hope that He will keep communication lines open between Him and me. God is good.
On another note, I'm asking for help in finding good resources on Mormonism compared to Christianity. One of the other 3 Dukies taking these January classes with me is a Mormon, and after I declined her offer to go with her to a Mormon church, I became aware of my limited knowledge of the Bible. I do not know for example, what in the Bible would preclude the existence of more prophets like Joseph, the founder of the Mormon church. So, help with that would be appreciated.
It's been going okay with classes and all on the whole. There's probably room for feeling healthier/not sick, but that's the kind of state I'm in most of the time anyway, so not a big deal. I'm still find myself fortunate to have what I have here (e.g. nice host family, nice resident director). I'll be praying for you and your roomate Jason. It looks like a great opportunity, and I'm glad you're up for it.
Monday, January 19, 2009
yay for class retreat!
So the first full week at marine lab was great! i'm taking marine invertebrate zoology which is pretty much the lab section of bio 26 except every day and for 7.5 hours a day and a test every friday.. Besides that, our field trips are fun! We've had 3 so far. First we went on a boat "Susan Hudson" then we went to a mud flat to dig up stuff, then we went behind the scenes at the nc aquarium. Just when I was starting to accept that life would be different here though, class retreats arrived and remind me of all the cool people I'm gonna miss this semester :)
Preparation for the retreat was pretty intense. Probably 70% of the content ended up getting written/edited the last week before retreat. With that said, i'm more amazed at how God used our inadequacies and was present with us this weekend. It was really a different experience being on content team this year. I feel like I learned a lot from it, but at the same I wish I could've seen it with fresh eyes at the retreat, if that makes sense. For our 4 sessions we talked about (1) returning to God, our first love, (2) going all-in for God and letting God be in-all parts of our lives, (3) being/making disciples by looking at how Jesus called Peter and Levi, (4) serving others and having tangible results from a discipleship legacy. I especially found session 2 to be really challenging. There is so much I do with my time that has nothing to do with God. For example, basketball probably causes me to lose 4 hours a day directly and indirectly (i always get hungry after and eat at cookout or something and waste so much time) on top of that, sports in general make me prideful/not-very-nice and distant from God. The sharing session was really meaningful again this year. Mid way through I sort of wanted to share too, but I felt like this time I should just really listen to other people. I ended up sharing a little in small group the next day though.
Small group was an amazing experience for me too (as was at soph retreat) :) While I know i'm not a natural leader and can be sort of awkward when i'm the center of attention, I really enjoy hearing what the people in my small group had to say. We kinda got off topic from the questions enping suggested for us, but I feel like we ended up talking about really practical and meaningful things. small group sunday morning got intense, i think we ran over time. I really learned a lot about how to deal with other people's burdens: Everyone goes through really unique lives and our troubles are all different. Some people go through harder troubles, some people "less so", but none of those should make us think we can't still reach out to others. Sometimes we feel like we can relate, other times we have no idea what they're going through. The key is to be honest and genuine about it though. True, your friend will hurt a bit when you tell them you dont have the answers, but you'll be there for them when they need it. This really makes me think about my definition of discipleship.. like I thought that it should be sort of a teaching sort of thing, but I feel like while we may be at different steps in our spiritual walk, we're all on the same level in terms of brokenness. While it is good to teach and learn in a discipling relationship, the most important thing is to just be genuine and willing to carry each other's burdens. So thanks, small group people for teaching me so much!
Commitment time (Sunday night we made commitments to put things we learned at retreat to practice through the semester with a partner) was amazing for me. I partnered with Perry and we ended up talking for hours and hours just non-stop. He is such an encouragement to me. God has changed his outlooks on life completely. He's so genuine and passionate about what God's gonna do for him next. So willing to take the next step. As we were talking I couldnt help but remember the times last year he would tell me why he isn't Christian and just marvel at God's ability to work in people.
One thing I commited to this weekend is to have the courage to talk about God with my roommate here. He's from papua new guinea and i just found out that his parents are christian (lutheran and catholic), but he has lost his faith. Can you pray for my relationship with him? and that God will give me opportunities to plant a seed in his heart.
So wow, this was a long post, but this retreat was what I needed :) I miss everyone so much, but I guess I will be coming back next weekend with Christina anyways haha.
Preparation for the retreat was pretty intense. Probably 70% of the content ended up getting written/edited the last week before retreat. With that said, i'm more amazed at how God used our inadequacies and was present with us this weekend. It was really a different experience being on content team this year. I feel like I learned a lot from it, but at the same I wish I could've seen it with fresh eyes at the retreat, if that makes sense. For our 4 sessions we talked about (1) returning to God, our first love, (2) going all-in for God and letting God be in-all parts of our lives, (3) being/making disciples by looking at how Jesus called Peter and Levi, (4) serving others and having tangible results from a discipleship legacy. I especially found session 2 to be really challenging. There is so much I do with my time that has nothing to do with God. For example, basketball probably causes me to lose 4 hours a day directly and indirectly (i always get hungry after and eat at cookout or something and waste so much time) on top of that, sports in general make me prideful/not-very-nice and distant from God. The sharing session was really meaningful again this year. Mid way through I sort of wanted to share too, but I felt like this time I should just really listen to other people. I ended up sharing a little in small group the next day though.
Small group was an amazing experience for me too (as was at soph retreat) :) While I know i'm not a natural leader and can be sort of awkward when i'm the center of attention, I really enjoy hearing what the people in my small group had to say. We kinda got off topic from the questions enping suggested for us, but I feel like we ended up talking about really practical and meaningful things. small group sunday morning got intense, i think we ran over time. I really learned a lot about how to deal with other people's burdens: Everyone goes through really unique lives and our troubles are all different. Some people go through harder troubles, some people "less so", but none of those should make us think we can't still reach out to others. Sometimes we feel like we can relate, other times we have no idea what they're going through. The key is to be honest and genuine about it though. True, your friend will hurt a bit when you tell them you dont have the answers, but you'll be there for them when they need it. This really makes me think about my definition of discipleship.. like I thought that it should be sort of a teaching sort of thing, but I feel like while we may be at different steps in our spiritual walk, we're all on the same level in terms of brokenness. While it is good to teach and learn in a discipling relationship, the most important thing is to just be genuine and willing to carry each other's burdens. So thanks, small group people for teaching me so much!
Commitment time (Sunday night we made commitments to put things we learned at retreat to practice through the semester with a partner) was amazing for me. I partnered with Perry and we ended up talking for hours and hours just non-stop. He is such an encouragement to me. God has changed his outlooks on life completely. He's so genuine and passionate about what God's gonna do for him next. So willing to take the next step. As we were talking I couldnt help but remember the times last year he would tell me why he isn't Christian and just marvel at God's ability to work in people.
One thing I commited to this weekend is to have the courage to talk about God with my roommate here. He's from papua new guinea and i just found out that his parents are christian (lutheran and catholic), but he has lost his faith. Can you pray for my relationship with him? and that God will give me opportunities to plant a seed in his heart.
So wow, this was a long post, but this retreat was what I needed :) I miss everyone so much, but I guess I will be coming back next weekend with Christina anyways haha.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
New Semester
hey everyone!
just wanted to let you know I've added the folks who are studying away this semester to the blog. You who were gone last year, feel free to support them. New folks: hope fully you can use this to encourage each other and stay connect. Make new posts by clicking the "new post" button at the top right.
Let me know of questions,
Ben
just wanted to let you know I've added the folks who are studying away this semester to the blog. You who were gone last year, feel free to support them. New folks: hope fully you can use this to encourage each other and stay connect. Make new posts by clicking the "new post" button at the top right.
Let me know of questions,
Ben
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
New Beginnings
Happy New Year Everyone! Thanks for praying for me, guys. These past two weeks have been really tough but God has showed me so much and has blessed me in so many ways. I realized how weak I am and how much I need God to be there for me to be my rock. My new year's resolution this year is: Put God first above all else. I understand that this should be a life resolution, but one year at a time... hahaha.
Here's a verse that I've been meditating on a lot recently in light of the new year:
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 3:13-14
I just want to encourage all of you guys, if any of you are struggling with something, a specific sin, or just something from your past, turn your eyes to the future and know that God has redeemed you. My mom told me, "Christians should never have any regrets. They should repent, but they should never regret." So know this, God has a plan for you and He's shaped your past, and He's shaping your present for the great plan He has in store for you.
Thanks for praying for me guys. I'm serious. To think about how much I've been transformed in these past two weeks I can only say it was because of God.
Anyways, I'm really excited to go back to Duke to see all of you again and to get replugged into IV. Apparently, we've been really hyped up to the freshmen? Haha... um, hopefully we live up to their expectations. But I don't see how we wouldn't be able to, being as awesome as we are.
Here's a verse that I've been meditating on a lot recently in light of the new year:
"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 3:13-14
I just want to encourage all of you guys, if any of you are struggling with something, a specific sin, or just something from your past, turn your eyes to the future and know that God has redeemed you. My mom told me, "Christians should never have any regrets. They should repent, but they should never regret." So know this, God has a plan for you and He's shaped your past, and He's shaping your present for the great plan He has in store for you.
Thanks for praying for me guys. I'm serious. To think about how much I've been transformed in these past two weeks I can only say it was because of God.
Anyways, I'm really excited to go back to Duke to see all of you again and to get replugged into IV. Apparently, we've been really hyped up to the freshmen? Haha... um, hopefully we live up to their expectations. But I don't see how we wouldn't be able to, being as awesome as we are.
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