~2 weeks later, 6 days late

'ello =)

I'll start my clarifying the second half of the subject title. I'm 6 days late wishing Michelle Kwak an AMAZING HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don't doubt that you Michelle are getting some beautiful God-taught lessons everyday, but I hope that this past week has proven to be especially lovely. =) When you get the time, please update us on your adventures!

The ~2 weeks later part is not as happy, but still important. It's been almost 2 weeks since I lost my camera with pictures since my spring break on it. I realized that it was missing after I ran to catch a train and panicked at first, but then decided to try something different, aka let God know my worries and not worry. The train suddenly stopped and stayed like that for another 20 min. causing me to be late for class. I started complaining to God saying, "what is going on? 2 bad things in a row? And what's with the lost camera? Is learning to pull the zipper of the front pocket of my backpack all the way down really worth my losing the camera?" It wasn't until later as I walked to the building where my class was held that I realized how blessed and, at the same time, how spoiled I was. The fact that I could complain about a lost camera implied that I wasn't worried about what I was going to eat for lunch (a Doener, yum) or where I was going to sleep. That's a blessing, which I take for granted. Another thing I take for granted is that I don't have back-to-back problems like losing things and getting stuck on public transportation all the time. For some reason I expect life to go smoothly and to get perhaps a few small bumps along the way. So I guess this camera-losing business gave me a better lesson that I had thought.

I was supposed to start my Berlin project a while ago, but only recently began working on it. This project is part of my Berlin Lit/Culture class. We're supposed to pick a topic and then research and do interviews with ppl in Berlin. I picked the Social welfare system (didn't realize beforehand how big a topic it'd be). It's hard work trying to read up on this stuff esp. since reading things in a foreign language usually makes me fall asleep. What was even harder for me though was to gather enough courage to talk to random people at the Jobcenter, where people come to register as unemployed and get help looking for jobs. There were a lot of people who didn't want to talk, which I can understand, but it makes asking the next time just a bit harder. After I got back on Thursday from a trip to a few institutions for my project, I asked my host mom what she thought about it. She seemed flustered but gave me a bit of her opinion. Later when I went back into the kitchen, she asked me why in the world did I pick such a hard and complex topic to which she didn't even know how to respond? Why not something easy like the church I attend (during this conversation my host sister's pretty much echoing her mom)? I told her I got the idea after watching one of the plays we had to read. She then started calling me such a child and asking if I could even grasp the topic. I let her know that I intended to keep going, esp. since I was in the middle of it already. She then let me off with the words, "Then keep on torturing yourself." Aiya, why am I such a weak person? I felt so discouraged from this conversation and hurt again. I don't like how sensitive I am to some things. My sister told me to either really get over it or, if I can't, bring it up with my host mom. Since I feel like it's just german culture to be so straight forward and because I'm a wuss and don't want to rock the boat, I didn't really consider option 2. That means I'll have to deal with these sensitivity issues. Sigh, I wish I were a rock sometimes. Or, even better, never lose sight of the fact that my value lies with God.

Today's sermon was on passion and how we might learn what our God-given passion is. The passage used was from the beginning of Nehemiah where he broke and wept after hearing of the condition of Jerusalem, and after that fasted and prayed until that critical conversation with King Artaex...(sthg). The speaker said Nehemiah's reaction was the point when his desires intersected with God's and that's when Nehemiah discovered his passion (to rebuild the city of Jerusalem). One of the indicators brought up as to how we'd realize what our passion is, is to ask ourselves what makes us cry/laugh/angry? There were other points, but this one was what stood out to me. What makes me sad though is that I don't think I know what my passion is. I don't really know what exactly stirs me. I want God to reveal this to me while I'm still here.