games

jenga.

the strong tower i once was is no more. there are gaps and holes and emptiness. blocks of comfort, friends, family, home is quickly removed. new pressures, surroundings, people, language are added one by one. i am wobbling and the slightest blow will make me topple. dear Dad, please fill the emptiness with Your love, please help me stand firm with the knowledge that You are with me.

catch phrase. charades.

my señora and i communicate. there are words and phrases i don't know how to say. i fill the space with umms and uhhs. i jump from one word to another trying to express an idea. she moves her arms and makes facial expressions. i match these with what i think she is saying.

telephone.

it is physically draining because i feel the need to understand everything. but, i find myself easily zoning out. spanish so quickly becomes background noise. to prevent this, i mentally slap myself back into reality. i think i'm getting better, but it's difficult to understand. i hear things that aren't said.

maria (what i hear): "quieres ver algo?" [do you want to see something?]

me (thinking: hmm, i don't know what else there is to see in this pueblo, i'll just say i don't know): "no sé"

everyone stops and just stares at me for a second. i find out later:

maria (what was actually said): "quieres beber algo?" [do you want something to drink?]

at the swimming pool:

a friend of my señora (what was actually said): "sabes nadar?" [do you know how to swim?]

a friend of my señora (what i hear): "sabes nada?" [do you know nothing?]

at first, i was quite taken aback. (what i was thinking): excuse me? i'm not the best at spanish, but that doesn't mean i know nothing!

tarzan & jane

Uff! What a day... I arrived at the Barajas Aiport at about 10am (here). This was my first time riding a taxi alone. [I think the last time I rode a taxi was with my mom when we went to Korea 13 yrs ago]. The driver and I had a decent conversation; I tried to sound as confident as I could speaking Spanish. haha. When I got to my Señora's house, she was waiting for me outside; she greeted me with a hug and a kiss on each cheek. :) After we took all my luggage up, she showed me around. She is super sweet. Then, I took a nap and woke up around lunchtime. After the meal, I unpacked everything and then watched some Spanish tv. Later, my Señora and I took a walk around Old Madrid. She even bought me some helado! The architecture was quite beautiful. As she took me around, she explained things/places to me. The sad part was that I could only understand about half of what she said. Although I got the gist of what was said, I wish I could make out all the details.

[My Señora knew my name as Sang. I told her she could call me Jane. She kept forgetting and asked me several times. Then, a few hours later, she came by my room and said "Jane! like Tarzan's girlfriend, Jane!" :) ]

When I first departed, my biggest worry was that I wouldn't make my connecting flight. Then, my next worries were finding my baggage, calling my Señora, exchanging money, and taking a taxi without being ripped off. Once I was in bed to take my nap, I was relieved to know that the worst was over. It was then that it hit me. I hadn't even thought about my time here yet! A part (a very small part) of me was excited about traveling and learning. But, a bigger part of me wanted to beat myself up for being here. This part wants me to pack up again and go back to Duke. What am I doing here in a foreign country? My biggest fears now are that I won't have any friends [I don't know the other Duke-in-Madrid kids], that I'll run out of money, and that I won't get the language down. :(

It's like when I ride a roller coaster. As I wait in line and get in the seats, I'm uber-excited. But as the ride gets going, I'm like "What did I get myself into?". This happens to be all in vain because I end up enjoying the ride.

Hopefully, my time here will be like my roller coaster story. Dios mío, ayudame por favor.

Settling In at the Biological Station

Hi Everyone! Not sure how often I'll post on this blog, but I thought I'd at least say hi! I'm in Costa Rica with the Organization for Tropical Studies, on their program in "Tropical Medicine and Global Health." There are 4 guys + 15 girls = 19 students total. I like everyone so far and have even been blessed to find 2 Christians, which is an answered prayer for sure. God has been so good to me on this trip: He helped me get over homesickness on my first day, has protected me so far from stomach issues and from bee stings :), and the classes have been interesting. I go to bed around 11 pm and get up at 5:30 am in order to shower and make it to breakfast by 6:30 am. Class is 6 days a week. We have field trips in the morning, lunch, 2 class sessions in the afternoon, dinner, and 1 class session. But there are breaks throughout; in fact right now I'm sitting on my bunk, resting after a nature walk, waiting for the lunch bell to ring.

The first few days we were in San José, which is a city but not like a "city" in the United States for sure. I haven't found it to be culture shock because I've been to Puerto Rico and Malaysia and there are some similarities. Now we are at a biological station right outside of the little town of San Vito. The large house we live in is right in the middle of a botanical garden: not manicured like the Sarah P. Duke Gardens, but beautiful nonetheless. It's probably cooler and less humid than Duke, in fact, because we are on a mountain, 4,000 feet above sea level.

Yesterday we visited two clinics and I saw firsthand how different the healthcare system is here compared to that of the United States.

I know that I'm going to have moments of homesickness, or feeling like I'm stuck here for so much longer, but for now it's enjoyable and I've already learned a lot.

I hope all of you who are abroad or are about to be abroad are doing well. I pray that you find Christian fellowship wherever you go, that you learn a lot, and that you bless the people around you. For everyone at Duke, have a great NSO and Fresh Start!

Perfect timing, the lunch bell just rang. Sounds a little like a cow bell! :)

~Liz

ich hab' noch einen Koffer in Berlin

DISCLAIMER: This one's really long. I wrote it first as an email update to family and friends back home, but I wanted to share this with you guys too.

The subject line is the title of one of Marlene Dietrich’s songs and the official translation is “I still keep a suitcase in Berlin.” We watched a play about this Berlin born actress-singer that featured Judy Winter, who’s known for her depiction of Marlene Dietrich. This song describes how Berlin is wonderful; how, although other places are nice too, berlin is where the heart longs to be. Here’s a link to an English translation of it in case you’re interested: http://german.about.com/library/blmus_hknef_kofferE.htm
I have this as the subject of this email because I’m actually starting to feel a lil pained knowing that I’m going to leave in 3 weeks. I didn’t expect this to happen since it didn’t happen until recently. Throughout these couple of months, I’ve had bouts of homesickness and would long for the sun and friends and food and family back home. I think what really triggered the release of this feeling of attachment was the week-long Brussels trip last week.

I went with my polisci class to Brussels to learn more about the EU and NATO (more EU than NATO actually) as well as the people who work there and the city. The weather and noise at night reminded me of Taiwan (suuper muggy; what made it worse was having to wear our nice clothes most of the time). We got to listen to presentations/participate in discussions in the European Economic and Social Committee building, the European Commission building, the Consilium, European Parliament building, and NATO headquarters. Every time we had one of these opportunities, I almost wished I was a European polisci major (does that exist?) just so I could’ve been forced to know background on a lot of the topics. Unfortunately my companion, narcolepsy, overpowered me way too often (it was most likely just my brain shutting off after a blockage in understanding occurred). Don’t get me wrong, the material was indeed very interesting; my body is just weaksauce. Oh, that and my German and knowledge of political issues aren’t that great. I tried fighting off the sleepiness in all sorts of new ways: doing random drawings, creating abstract art/doodles, pinching myself, biting myself, clenching my fists real hard, etc. all to no avail. I’m so glad other people were more awake and/or prepared and so could engage the presenters in some good discussion after asking a not too simple question. I was glad to learn what I DID learn during those times I was awake. I found the city of Brussels to be of interest as well because it’s where all these important EU and NATO buildings lie, meaning people from all over Europe are there. Although the official languages are Flemish and French, you can hear people on the street speaking German and Italian and Russian and many more languages there all the time. Although I started wearing a laughing smile after noticing that our professor introduced us each time as a group “representing 9 different countries,” I really do feel proud to have been a part of such a diverse group (we represented Germany, Hungary, Turkey, Russia, Belarus, Poland, Moldova, China, and the USA…and if you count our international duke student from Taiwan, that’s 10 countries (: ). I got to know the non-Duke/Davidson-in-Berlin-program students much better, and I think they’re so cool. :) Not only do they individually and collectively know so many languages (and have cool accents!), they’re all pretty knowledgeable in current topics and carry with them experiences and backgrounds that were so new to me. Regarding the number of languages: A NATO representative said one time (paraphrased), “If people know you’re American, they’ll admire you for knowing one other language. The western Europeans know an average of 3, maybe 4. East Europeans are scaring everybody else because they know 6.”

And this was the start of my true growing love of Berlin. I feel so blessed to be able to study abroad here in Berlin where I can take a class with people from all these different countries and experience going on a trip with them. During the trip, the weather kept making me long for Berlin, although Berlin does not have ideal weather by far (it's supposed to be summer right now, but it still gets cold and we get thunderstorms and other random rainshowers). On the last night we had in Brussels, I and three other people stood together to watch a festival/show being put on to celebrate, based on what I saw, the union of the many different member countries of the EU. When I saw the German flag (and later the flags of the different federal states), I remember thinking, "yeah! go Deutschland (germany)! woohoo! We're all part of one Europa." I felt as if I were a proud German onlooker. A few minutes later, however, I realized, "hmm, that's a strange thing to think. I'm American and the US isn't part of the EU, so technically I don't have much of a part in this celebration." That didn't stop me from feeling like a proud German however, and I simply stood there watching on. I started thinking about all the things Berlin has had to offer me, and there really is a lot. Diversity, knowledge, relatively cheap prices for basic foods, history, cultural events, etc. By being here as long as I have, I've also been able to add German as another language that I can actually use (hopefully I don't lose it after going back to duke). So along with souvenirs like official EU stationary, a mini-flowerpot, 2 kg of weight, and a bruise (from being stuck between fast-closing train doors and falling through the gap between the wagon and the platform after the doors released me), I've brought back with me a new spot in my heart for Berlin.

I wish now more than ever to explore more and experience more in Berlin. I unfortunately have a couple things in the way. I'm taking the TestDAF (German equivalent of TOEFL) this coming Wednesday. I've still got a semester paper to write for my polisci class on migration in Germany. And I've got my semester finals (only graded components of the classes) for Statistics and Signals & Systems the first two days of my sister's visit (yes, she's visiting!). I luckily have finished my Berlin research project paper and presentation, which had taken over the majority of my time for a few weeks. Prayers for focus during these next 2 weeks would be appreciated, esp. since I seem to be a lil ADHD too. :)

Pictures: I didn't receive my newly ordered camera until this past wednesday, so I have no original pictures from the Brussels trip. I'll attach some from diligent facebookers, but I don't know how good the quality will be.
1) napping DURING A BREAK during a seminar at the EU Commission

2) at a bar for the 20th birthday of Rebecca (duke student). Our professor got us a nice deal for cocktails.

3) before going to the EU Parliament, we rested at a nearby park, and during this time, Anna (girl from Moldova) made this amazing flower crown (apparently all the east european girls knew how to make them. talent.)

4) this one's actually in Cologne, but I thought it was a nice picture that showed everyone (minus our professor).

deja vu

Marine Lab Part 3. Chiseled veteran. Rawr, I'm gonna skip orientation tomorrow. That's how veteran I am :D. I like how familiar salty-air smells now. I don't even notice the bad taste of the oceany water anymore either. Other than taking the highly anticipated marine mammals class, I'm excited, spiritually, to be back. At home, my prayer life was weak, my devotional life was marginal, and my focus was not on target at all. That's not to say God hasn't been at work though. I really feel like He put a LOT of things on my mind in the past 3 weeks about next year and other things. However, being at home puts me in too much comfort and complacency. Spending time with Duke people is very fun, yet time consuming with the commute.. It's weird how being at the marine lab changes things. Maybe it's due to my introverted nature, but when I'm away from my friends and family, I am more disciplined spiritually. I don't have distractions, and am forced to a regular sleep schedule. Instead of playing basketball, I read. Actually it might also be the set-up of our bunks.. They're really devo-friendly..

They're triple bunks, but I've always chose the bottom which is pretty much a mattress on the floor. There's a reading light at the head of the bed and a gap that's conveniently large enough to fit scrap notebooks, books, my bible, and my journal. Being a triple bunk made of wood, directly above me is a convenient place to tape papers and to write down prayer requests so I can't forget. I accidently left my lists taped on my bunk from last session.. I'm now living in the room next door (a bigger one.. so yay upgrade) but I wonder what will happen to the list. I haven't met the people yet. That'd be cool if they prayed. It might also be awkward to ask them for my list back..

Supposedly I only have class mon, wed, thurs.. which means.. 3 DAY WEEKENDS! which probably means I will be easily suckered into visiting Duke.. If my career paths fail I can always be a cab driver. I'm getting really good at driving unnecessarily long distances and keeping track of the gas prices in a 180 mile stretch.

biuuuuuuuuuuu (whale sound)

this is what i imagine heaven to be like..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMK8mb6bGx0&feature=related
i like how the song in the video mimics whale calls. i thought that was neat.

i'm looking forward to going back to the marine lab again. this video reminded me why i was taking the marine mammals class :) i hope i can do something like that video at some point in my life. There's just so many cool parts of the world. That video was in french polynesia. It reminded me of my roommate last semester from papua new guinea around the same area. the oceans there are still pristine and visibility is so high (you can see the ground in that video! crazy.. lucky if you can see 5 feet ahead of you in the marine lab waters..)

~2 weeks later, 6 days late

'ello =)

I'll start my clarifying the second half of the subject title. I'm 6 days late wishing Michelle Kwak an AMAZING HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I don't doubt that you Michelle are getting some beautiful God-taught lessons everyday, but I hope that this past week has proven to be especially lovely. =) When you get the time, please update us on your adventures!

The ~2 weeks later part is not as happy, but still important. It's been almost 2 weeks since I lost my camera with pictures since my spring break on it. I realized that it was missing after I ran to catch a train and panicked at first, but then decided to try something different, aka let God know my worries and not worry. The train suddenly stopped and stayed like that for another 20 min. causing me to be late for class. I started complaining to God saying, "what is going on? 2 bad things in a row? And what's with the lost camera? Is learning to pull the zipper of the front pocket of my backpack all the way down really worth my losing the camera?" It wasn't until later as I walked to the building where my class was held that I realized how blessed and, at the same time, how spoiled I was. The fact that I could complain about a lost camera implied that I wasn't worried about what I was going to eat for lunch (a Doener, yum) or where I was going to sleep. That's a blessing, which I take for granted. Another thing I take for granted is that I don't have back-to-back problems like losing things and getting stuck on public transportation all the time. For some reason I expect life to go smoothly and to get perhaps a few small bumps along the way. So I guess this camera-losing business gave me a better lesson that I had thought.

I was supposed to start my Berlin project a while ago, but only recently began working on it. This project is part of my Berlin Lit/Culture class. We're supposed to pick a topic and then research and do interviews with ppl in Berlin. I picked the Social welfare system (didn't realize beforehand how big a topic it'd be). It's hard work trying to read up on this stuff esp. since reading things in a foreign language usually makes me fall asleep. What was even harder for me though was to gather enough courage to talk to random people at the Jobcenter, where people come to register as unemployed and get help looking for jobs. There were a lot of people who didn't want to talk, which I can understand, but it makes asking the next time just a bit harder. After I got back on Thursday from a trip to a few institutions for my project, I asked my host mom what she thought about it. She seemed flustered but gave me a bit of her opinion. Later when I went back into the kitchen, she asked me why in the world did I pick such a hard and complex topic to which she didn't even know how to respond? Why not something easy like the church I attend (during this conversation my host sister's pretty much echoing her mom)? I told her I got the idea after watching one of the plays we had to read. She then started calling me such a child and asking if I could even grasp the topic. I let her know that I intended to keep going, esp. since I was in the middle of it already. She then let me off with the words, "Then keep on torturing yourself." Aiya, why am I such a weak person? I felt so discouraged from this conversation and hurt again. I don't like how sensitive I am to some things. My sister told me to either really get over it or, if I can't, bring it up with my host mom. Since I feel like it's just german culture to be so straight forward and because I'm a wuss and don't want to rock the boat, I didn't really consider option 2. That means I'll have to deal with these sensitivity issues. Sigh, I wish I were a rock sometimes. Or, even better, never lose sight of the fact that my value lies with God.

Today's sermon was on passion and how we might learn what our God-given passion is. The passage used was from the beginning of Nehemiah where he broke and wept after hearing of the condition of Jerusalem, and after that fasted and prayed until that critical conversation with King Artaex...(sthg). The speaker said Nehemiah's reaction was the point when his desires intersected with God's and that's when Nehemiah discovered his passion (to rebuild the city of Jerusalem). One of the indicators brought up as to how we'd realize what our passion is, is to ask ourselves what makes us cry/laugh/angry? There were other points, but this one was what stood out to me. What makes me sad though is that I don't think I know what my passion is. I don't really know what exactly stirs me. I want God to reveal this to me while I'm still here.