"let's go home"

home (hm)

n.

1. A place where one lives; a residence.

2. The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment.

3. A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household.

4.

a. An environment offering security and happiness.

b. A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.

5. The place, such as a country or town, where one was born or has lived for a long period.

6. The native habitat, as of a plant or animal.

7. The place where something is discovered, founded, developed, or promoted; a source.

8. A headquarters; a home base.

9.

a. Baseball Home plate.

b. Games Home base.

10. An institution where people are cared for: a home for the elderly.

11. Computer Science

a. The starting position of the cursor on a text-based computer display, usually in the upper left corner of the screen.

b. A starting position within a computer application, such as the beginning of a line, file, or screen or the top of a chart or list.

it's interesting how the definition of "home" can change so much. it's so relative. my home is in charleston, south carolina, but i live at duke. here in madrid, my home is my señora's house. when i'm traveling, my home can be a hotel room or a hostel. home also means people too. last weekend, i visited london, and i was able to see emily lin, and in a way, seeing her was being at home. :) so many homes... hmm...

i think my ultimate home is under God's wing. (especially with definitions 4 & 7.) ;)

that black boulder

i had a pretty rough week: a presentation about the Stroop Test and the Columbia Mental Maturity Scale, a paper about diagnosing Asperger's Syndrome and Autism, and an exam on more spanish grammar. x_x

due to the stress and lack of sleep from this week, i have acquired about four new pimples on my face. today, a friend and i were talking about breaking out, and she pointed out a pimple on her face that was bothering her. i hadn't even noticed until she pointed it out. then, for the rest of the day, i knew it was there, but it didn't bother me, and i soon forgot about it.

hmm. when i get pimples, i get so obsessed with them and become so self-conscious and sometimes it affects my behavior and interaction with others. it ends up being though, that no one notices or if they do, they don't care.

i think this is how God and i might be. vamos a ver:
i see my pimple, and it's gross. whenever i look in the mirror, the pimple is all that i see and all that defines me for that moment.

i see [my sin], and it's gross. whenever i look in the mirror, [my sin] is all that i see and all that defines me for that moment.

pimple = sin... hahahaha.

however, God sees the bigger picture; He realizes that the pimple is actually only a tiny portion of the face. He doesn't care if i have one, He still smiles at me.

lately i've been only been seeing my sin in front of me. i want to step back and see the greater picture and see how God's grace is so much greater than anything i've ever done.

usa: cheese! spain: whiskey!

i never was much of a camera person. i didn't like carrying it around because i was always too lazy to take pictures. however, since i've been in madrid, i've posted 10 albums so far on facebook. o_0 wowsers.

i'm pretty picky with my pictures. if it's blurry (unintentionally) or if the composition, angle, or the lighting doesn't seem right to me, i'll delete it. it usually takes several tries to get a good picture. out of all the pictures i take, i delete about half of them~~ it's good because with bad pictures, i can distinguish which are good pictures.

this is something i forget all the time. i need mess ups. drafts. the bad. they lead to the good! it's a process. i forget this when i'm drawing or writing music. i expect the best at the snap of a finger, and it doesn't happen. then, i get frustrated and give up. tsk tsk tsk.

same goes for my walk with God. one of the biggest challenges in my relationship with God is that it is a process. i like to-do lists. i like crossing things off to-do lists. unfortunately for me, God and me don't work this way. i can't cross off patience or love. these are things i need to work on all the time. and things i think i've crossed off already come back and bite me in the butt. for example, who knew accepting God's love could be so hard?

the simple and the most fundamental things are the hardest to understand and easiest to forget. maybe He planned it this way so that i never take those things for granted, and He can reiterate His love for me.

i'm realizing this post might not make sense. :)

one

Hello, folks! Emily here, writing from the University of Reading in England. Although it seems that most of you have already pushed through the first round of midterms and into the relief of fall break and fall retreat, this is only my third week of classes.

I am taking courses solely in typography – Design Practice 1, Introduction to Editorial Design, Typeforms, and History of Graphic Communication – which is quite a departure from the chemistry major. It’s delightful to finally be able to study something I’ve dreamed of for a few years. I enjoy enjoying homework. On average, I have a rather alarming seven (or fewer) hours of class per week. It’s been an exercise in time management and diligence, as well as an opportunity to hop on trains and travel hundreds of miles.

Free time and longish train rides to faraway places have left me the space to read, think, and talk to God. It’s excellent. Although I’m away from InterVarsity and West Club, God has definitely met me here (including but certainly not limited to providing a church and a campus fellowship) and is pushing me to grow. I am learning about pride, idolatry, and faith. They are inextricably bound to each other, which simplifies everything yet makes each step towards change seem that much harder. Leaving the first two leaves me little to cling onto but the third. Which is the point, I think.

Let me know how things are going at Duke! I can catch a glimpse through facebook, but I’d prefer to chat – I have AIM, gchat, and skype. Less stalking, more talking ;]

the basics

Duke-In-Madrid Courses:
Spain in the 21st Century
Recent Spanish Cinema
Communication Skills

Universidad San Pablo Course:
Trastornos del Desarrollo y Dificultades de Aprendizaje
[Development & Learning Disabilities I]

This is the second week of class. It's not bad so far. I always miss something because the classes are taught in Spanish. My USP class is really interesting, probably my favorite out of all my classes. Although my professor speaks very quickly, he lectures with powerpoint, which helps a lot. The only thing about taking a psychology class is that it's offered on a different campus from the main one. If I take the metro, I have to pay 1 euro because it's not a part of central Madrid (not to mention that it takes about an hour on the metro). They have free shuttle buses (20 minutes) to and from Montepríncipe (campus where psych classes are offered). BUT, the hours are horrible. They have buses running early afternoon and then evening time. So, on Tues/Thurs I'm stuck on this campus for 3 hours after my class ends. Wednesdays, I have to take the metro back (sad face for what it's going to cost me; I wish Duke would cover it) because I have class back on the main campus at 6 pm (shuttle buses leave at 6:30pm). I'm actually at Montepríncipe now. una hora más!

Beatriz Diaz

is my host mom. :) She is pretty much wonderful. It's just us two in her apartment. Most of the other DIM students have roommates. At first, I really wanted one, but I think I enjoy being by myself. I don't speak English as much as I would if I had a roommate. Also, I'm not overwhelmed by a Spanish family because it's just Beatriz in the house. I feel really lucky too: I don't do my own laundry and also Beatriz is a great cook. We barely have breakfast, lunch is served at around 2pm and is the biggest meal of the day (people go back home for lunch), and dinner is at around 9pm. There isn't much snacking so I'm always super-hungry before meals.

Puerta del Angel

is my metro stop. I really like the metro system here. I haven't figured out the buses though-they confuse me. They have C1's and C2's here! :D It's different seeing small cute cars everywhere (I'm from South Carolina where people drive trucks!). I enjoy walking around. I actually haven't been in Madrid that long because we have been traveling a lot (Andalucía & Galicia! Barcelona next week!). I'm going to make an effort to go on walks often to see what's around~

Amigos

Luckily, I've gotten close to a few of the other DIM kids. There's a group of us who go out together. This I'm thankful for. :) Last week, in my USP class (about 10 kids, which is nice), I forced myself to turn around and introduce myself to some other Spanish students. Haha. There is a girl in the class who can speak English, and she's been really nice. We're partners for projects we have to do for the class (err, I don't know what kind of projects yet because I didn't catch that part while our Professor was explaining). Also, today, I met a girl on the busride here. She studied in Ohio for a year before so she empathized with me. Yay for Spanish friends. :)

Tomorrow

will mark my one-month stay here. It's weird to think that I've already been away for a month! I'm slowly adjusting to everything. I'm thankful that I get to be on a routine now that classes have started. Thanks for the prayers lovelies. I've been praying a lot more as well. Although, I haven't found a church yet, I've been listening to sermons online~ Hopefully, coming Sunday, I'll check out a church. :) I hope you peeps are doing great back at Duke. I miss you!

games

jenga.

the strong tower i once was is no more. there are gaps and holes and emptiness. blocks of comfort, friends, family, home is quickly removed. new pressures, surroundings, people, language are added one by one. i am wobbling and the slightest blow will make me topple. dear Dad, please fill the emptiness with Your love, please help me stand firm with the knowledge that You are with me.

catch phrase. charades.

my señora and i communicate. there are words and phrases i don't know how to say. i fill the space with umms and uhhs. i jump from one word to another trying to express an idea. she moves her arms and makes facial expressions. i match these with what i think she is saying.

telephone.

it is physically draining because i feel the need to understand everything. but, i find myself easily zoning out. spanish so quickly becomes background noise. to prevent this, i mentally slap myself back into reality. i think i'm getting better, but it's difficult to understand. i hear things that aren't said.

maria (what i hear): "quieres ver algo?" [do you want to see something?]

me (thinking: hmm, i don't know what else there is to see in this pueblo, i'll just say i don't know): "no sé"

everyone stops and just stares at me for a second. i find out later:

maria (what was actually said): "quieres beber algo?" [do you want something to drink?]

at the swimming pool:

a friend of my señora (what was actually said): "sabes nadar?" [do you know how to swim?]

a friend of my señora (what i hear): "sabes nada?" [do you know nothing?]

at first, i was quite taken aback. (what i was thinking): excuse me? i'm not the best at spanish, but that doesn't mean i know nothing!

tarzan & jane

Uff! What a day... I arrived at the Barajas Aiport at about 10am (here). This was my first time riding a taxi alone. [I think the last time I rode a taxi was with my mom when we went to Korea 13 yrs ago]. The driver and I had a decent conversation; I tried to sound as confident as I could speaking Spanish. haha. When I got to my Señora's house, she was waiting for me outside; she greeted me with a hug and a kiss on each cheek. :) After we took all my luggage up, she showed me around. She is super sweet. Then, I took a nap and woke up around lunchtime. After the meal, I unpacked everything and then watched some Spanish tv. Later, my Señora and I took a walk around Old Madrid. She even bought me some helado! The architecture was quite beautiful. As she took me around, she explained things/places to me. The sad part was that I could only understand about half of what she said. Although I got the gist of what was said, I wish I could make out all the details.

[My Señora knew my name as Sang. I told her she could call me Jane. She kept forgetting and asked me several times. Then, a few hours later, she came by my room and said "Jane! like Tarzan's girlfriend, Jane!" :) ]

When I first departed, my biggest worry was that I wouldn't make my connecting flight. Then, my next worries were finding my baggage, calling my Señora, exchanging money, and taking a taxi without being ripped off. Once I was in bed to take my nap, I was relieved to know that the worst was over. It was then that it hit me. I hadn't even thought about my time here yet! A part (a very small part) of me was excited about traveling and learning. But, a bigger part of me wanted to beat myself up for being here. This part wants me to pack up again and go back to Duke. What am I doing here in a foreign country? My biggest fears now are that I won't have any friends [I don't know the other Duke-in-Madrid kids], that I'll run out of money, and that I won't get the language down. :(

It's like when I ride a roller coaster. As I wait in line and get in the seats, I'm uber-excited. But as the ride gets going, I'm like "What did I get myself into?". This happens to be all in vain because I end up enjoying the ride.

Hopefully, my time here will be like my roller coaster story. Dios mío, ayudame por favor.